Pause. When Agitated. Or Doubtful.

Pause When Agitated or Doubful...

Hmmm...  Where to start?  For those of you who know me, you all know that I am pretty open about my spirituality.  Not religious stuff - I'm talking about my relationship with God.  I am so blessed - words cannot even describe the blessings that I receive from God.  That being said, not every moment of every day is filled with sunshine and rainbows.  I guess it's these moments that I am talking about today.

God has blessed me immensely through a very special friendship, a guidance counselor along my spiritual path.  This is some wisdom that seems to be coming to the forefront of my mind today:  "Pause when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action...  asking for God's will, not mine, be done."  Powerful, powerful, life changing words!

Needless to say, today was more of a day to "pause when agitated."  I am so grateful that I am learning that that feeling such as agitation or doubt are those little signals that I need to look to Him for answers. 

Today, I had a difficult day.  My oldest son suffers from ADHD.  He is having some psychological testing performed, and he was not able to take his routine medication this morning.  For the past eighteen years I have been trying to "fix" him, shelter him from the world.  As his mother, I want him to always make the right choices - I realize I want him to make the choices "I" would make with my thirty-six years of experience - all of these choices using his eighteen year old brain, with his eighteen year old experiences.  I have been working on giving him to God for years.  I would pray, asking God to do this, to do that, give him over to God, then a few minutes, hours or days later, there I would be, right in the middle of it, trying to "cure"him.  My friend told me the a few months ago, "God loves him more than you do, you know."  I was shocked at first, then appalled, then finally, blessedly, calm acceptance.  Yes, God does love him more than I do.  I love him as much as I am capable, but I am only human.  God is everything - God is love.  God is....  well, God just is!  I am finding as I grow in my relationship with God, I am finding it more difficult to explain and define God.  My friend tells me that I am just starting to understand, but you know what?  It feels wonderful!

So, back to my day of pauses...  I came to realie today that when I felt agitated, that was just a little nudge from God, saying, "give him back to Me, let me take care of Him."  And, I said, "okay, I think I will do that."