2012 in Review
Our Celebrate Recovery is approaching a very important milestone - our one year anniversary! It seems only fitting that we take a look at our first year and take a moment to reflect and thank God for bringing us all to this place in our lives.
This past year has been highlighted with much change. I am not typically a person who really enjoys change, but through the grace of God, I am more comfortable with facing the curveballs that life sends us - I know that with God's help, we can do anything!
Our newly formed Celebrate Recovery seemed to mirror many of the changes that my personal life was taking. 2012 started with finding myself surrounded by family and friends, and 2012 seems to be ending in a similar way. I am engulfed by friends and a "forever family" of fellow believers, whom, like myself, are recovering from life's hurts, habits and hang-ups.
I started 2012 shaking in my shoes - filled with fear. All kinds of fear - fear of failure, fear of being consumed, fear, fear, fear. I was almost too afraid TO start, then too afraid to NOT start. I have a friend in recovery who has poked fun (but also pointed out the truth) at "Princess Much Afraid." Today I am SO very grateful to have people in my life to help keep me pointed in the right direction, assisting me to see through my selfish denial and help me grow closer in my relationship with Jesus Christ. There was a time when "Princess Much Afraid" would have run crying in the other direction, quitting at the first sign of hardship or heartache. In the past I would see hardship as an indicator that I needed to do something else, but today I can see that sometimes the purpose in the pain is how much closer I become to God, and how much more I come to rely only on Him.
I really think one of the toughest lessons I have learned this past year is the hard truth that when you start standing up for Christ, then there will be opposition. I know that I was told this in the beginning of CR, but my expectations and what the truth really is are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. That being said, I know that I could not have made it without the love and support of my "forever family."
I used to think that if I was living my life for Christ, if He was the number one priority in my life, then I would never, ever, ever have heartache. There would be no hurt feelings, no loss of jobs, no loss of friendships, no medical problems, no sickness, no pain. How misguided I was! I have no idea where or when I started believing those ridiculous false teachings, but I must confess that I lived in this delusion for years. This delusion caused me to draw away from God because when bad things happened, my selfish ego found it convenient to blame God for these hardships or painful experiences. Thankfully God has brought me to a whole new place, He has given me new eyes and ears, a new understanding of just how wrong my earlier beliefs were. God has brought me so far from where I once was, and mercifully, He isn't finished with me yet. I am happy, yes, I am over-joyed, to say that today I understand that bad, un-fun, sometimes hurtful things may happen - no, these hardships WILL happen to those I love and to me. The truth is simple... we live in a fallen world. We live in a world where sometimes it seems only the way to get by is through cheating and lies - that rules were made to be bent and broken. We live in a world where the enemy is stalking us, seeking us, never giving up on the hope that we may fall prey to these lies. Our world is imperfect, but it is through Jesus Christ that we have hope in an otherwise hopeless situation.
But here's another truth that I have learned: as long as I ask for God's help EVERY SINGLE DAY, asking God's will for my life, then He saves me from my bondage of people-pleasing and perfectionism, my anxious life of worry, anger, resentments and regret. As long as I continue seeking Him, I am given the daily reward of joy, peace and serenity.
I have learned that a spiritual way of life is a paradox. The more I am willing to give up of my self, the more I rely on God, then the more peace, love, joy, happiness I have. And just one more thing... I have learned that I've gotta give it away to keep it. My spiritual cup is only refilled by emptying out myself through serving others.
I am looking forward to 2013. My plan is to continue following God where He leads me, one day at a time. I look forward to continuing on this journey with my "forever family."
