The concept and practice of "tough love" goes against every maternal instinct I have. Tough love tears my heart out and beats it up, battering and bruising it to the point of becoming an emotional mess.
My definition of "tough love" is allowing a person whom you love with all your heart, body and soul to experience the consequences of their behavior. Tough love to me is when your 17 year old gets his wallet, phone and sunglasses stolen because of a poor choice on his part, I don't immediately replace all the lost or stolen items. Tough love is, "hey that sucks, but from now on you'll remember to keep up with your stuff better and not leave them unattended in the open at an amusement park." And life goes on, him without a wallet, a phone and sunglasses until he can afford to replace them.
The neurotic, perfectionist mother in me wants my child to be happy first and foremost. She wants to love, have warm fuzzy moments and nurture my children. This perfectionist mother knows that because I have told my children not to do something, then they intuitively know right from wrong just because Mommy-dearest said so, and my children will live in a buffered, hurt-free space because of the awesome superhero mother that I am. What a truckload of denial that is! Believe it or not, that is exactly where my perfectionist brain will try to go if I do not seek God's will through daily prayer and reading God's word.
Today I wish tough love was just my 17 year old not having a phone or wallet. I wish it was so simple. But today, tough love is much, much more difficult.
Today we had to make the difficult decision to not enable one of our children to continue to make poor choices - dangerous choices that lead to paths of despair, hopelessness and death. The decision we made as parents causes me to surrender the luxury of instant gratification. It is my hope that through our surrender that one day our child will see it as an action to save a life, even if it hurts some now.
I am writing this because I live a transparent life. Hopefully, a life without secrets, a life without delusion. My human nature wants to tell you that everything is just peachy. My superhero mother wants to tell you that I protect my children from everything and our life is only sunshine and rainbows. The true, imperfect person will honestly tell you that I am hurting today. My imperfect self will tell you that I am scared of this decision. But, today, I am stepping out on faith, relying on God to take care of this situation, to take care of my child, to take care of me.
Tough love reminds me that God loves my child more than I ever possibly could. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He can and will take care of him. My part is allowing God to take care of us, without interfering. Sometimes that is so hard, but I know that God's will and plan is much better than anything I can do, so my plan is to let God be the almighty, the all powerful God that He is.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Enough
He said "I just want to be enough. Why am I never enough? You fill your life with everything else - your job, everyone else, and I always come last."
So, she made him first in her life. She surrendered to him, to their marriage, to their love. She made him first. She made him her top priority, with the expectation that she was his top priority. That she was enough for him.
Then, she said, "I just want to be enough. Why am I not enough? I want to be your lover. Why is it not enough that you only look at me for sexual fulfillment? Why does there have to be images and videos of other people? What is wrong with ME?"
She makes a decision to lose weight, become more "aesthetically pleasing" to his eye, which is why he said he enjoyed looking at other women's "erotic photos." She must not quit. She can do this.
But, still, the question remains, will she ever be enough? She gave him her heart, her mind, her soul, her body... If it's not enough now, when she becomes aesthetically pleasing to his eye, then, will she FINALLY be enough? Was she EVER enough? Is she just lying to herself that she CAN be enough? Does he WANT her to be enough, like he is now ENOUGH for her?
Summer Blog post #9
A cooking disaster...
My biggest cooking disasters have to do with my failure to set the timer & ultimately burning what ever I was cooking. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened :(
My biggest cooking disasters have to do with my failure to set the timer & ultimately burning what ever I was cooking. I cannot tell you how many times this has happened :(
Summer Blog Post #8
What is my guilty pleasure?
It would have to be reading romance novels... Although I am no longer reading them because my husband told me that he felt as if he was being compared to the person in the books. I definitely do not want him to feel that way!!!
My other guilty pleasure? Not sure...
It would have to be reading romance novels... Although I am no longer reading them because my husband told me that he felt as if he was being compared to the person in the books. I definitely do not want him to feel that way!!!
My other guilty pleasure? Not sure...
Summer Blog Post #6
A nickname you have & why...
This one is easy! I've never had a nickname. Not sure why, but never had a special name.
This one is easy! I've never had a nickname. Not sure why, but never had a special name.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Be Good to You...
I have a good friend who is really hurting right now. She is filled with sadness, confusion and that feeling of being overwhelmed by life's distractions - these temporary hurts that feel unbearable and will last forever.
I want to take some of this burden from her. I want her to know that she is not alone. I want to tell her that nothing, absolutely nothing, is too big for God to handle. I want her to know that this is how faith grows. I want her to feel the comfort of God's hands holding her, cradling her, protecting her from harm.
I want her to know what a blessing she has been to me. I want her to know that I believe that God has crossed our paths for a reason - there is a divine purpose and plan at work, right here, right now.
I want to tell her to be good to herself. I want her to know that God has lovingly created her, and it is pleasing to Him when we are kind to ourselves.
I want her to know that the enemy is telling her that she is not worthy. The enemy is stalking her, whispering lies into her ear, tempting her to believe that perfection and material achievements are pleasing to God. The deceitful one is luring her away into the dark paths paved in self-will and self-centered desires. The evil one wants her to believe that God has given up on her... That God is not listening... That God is punishing her... That she is unforgivable... That she does not deserve peace, love and joy. The evil one wants her to clothe herself with guilt and shame, blocking out all sunlight of the spirit. The enemy is working to choke all hope, strangle faith and isolate her from love.
My dear sister... I tell you these things because I have heard the lies and the deceitful temptations that are seemingly true. I know the truth today because I have believed the lies. I have followed the deceiver into the darkness. I have abandoned truth in order to believe the lies, trying to find the easier, softer way to happiness. I believed the lies because I selfishly wanted instant gratification. I chased the ever-elusive "happiness" and the price was my soul.
But, that was not the end of my story. God was chasing me, pursuing me, willing to save me. Thank God for His grace and mercy!
Dearest friend... I am here to tell you that you are worth it. You are loved. You are enough. You are accepted, just as you are. You are a child of God, a daughter of the King. You are precious in His sight.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Summer blog challenge - #5
Short term goals for this month...
1. Get back into the habit of recording my daily life on this blog. Even if no one reads it, I can have a way to look back and see how far we have come.
2. Begin contacting some business related contacts that I have been too fearful to talk to - step out on faith & overcome the fear of the unknown.
3. Begin putting out flyers for Celebrate Recovery. I feel it is time to share.
4. Date night every week with my husband.
5. Play with my kids for 30 minutes every day.
Summer Blog Challenge - #4
How did my blog get it's name?
Unspeakable Joy...
This is my heart's desire. I had my first glimpse into the meaning of joy three years ago. My definition of joy is that feeling of well-being, the inner peace that comes with living a life according to spiritual principles. By unspeakable joy, this describes the feeling that I cannot find the words to describe the joy I have within my heart. I have boundless, limitless joy that can only come from God. He has so graciously blessed me with unspeakable joy.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Summer Blog Challenge Day #3
15 Interesting Things About ME....
(this is difficult & I asked David for help, but he suggested not-too-interesting things like "you twirl your hair when you are concentrating or upset" so I am attempting to find 15 interesting things about me - all by myself without assistance. :)
1. I love paper crafting (scrap booking, card making, etc). I would really like to learn & explore mixed media and try my hand at this.
2. I don't really like cooking. It seems under-appreciated at my house, and this is a huge part of my lack of enthusiasm with slaving in the kitchen.
3. My guilty pleasure: romance novels. (Yes, I know...)
4. I don't like country music. In fact, I prefer silence over country music.
5. I can wear children's shoes. (not clothes! But hopefully working on that aspect too!)
6. I love my job. I am one of the lucky ones who actually don't dread going to work every day.
7. My favorite drink is Diet Coke.
8. My favorite vegetable is pickled okra.
9. My heart still races when I see David's name on my caller id.
10. I love my kids & truly want to spend more time with them. This brings me to another challenge of spending 30 minutes per day playing with your kids.
11. I have a secret fascination with the Catholic religious practices. Why? Not sure.
12. I love history - my favorite travel sites are those of historical importance. My top favorite is American Colonial History. My most memorable place visited is Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello.
13. My favorite city is Boston.
14. I truly do like Oklahoma football, but it is more special because it is a family tradition to go to the OU football games together.
15. My favorite day is TODAY! I try my best to live one day at a time, one moment at a time.
Well... There you go. A little glimpse of random facts about me.
(this is difficult & I asked David for help, but he suggested not-too-interesting things like "you twirl your hair when you are concentrating or upset" so I am attempting to find 15 interesting things about me - all by myself without assistance. :)
1. I love paper crafting (scrap booking, card making, etc). I would really like to learn & explore mixed media and try my hand at this.
2. I don't really like cooking. It seems under-appreciated at my house, and this is a huge part of my lack of enthusiasm with slaving in the kitchen.
3. My guilty pleasure: romance novels. (Yes, I know...)
4. I don't like country music. In fact, I prefer silence over country music.
5. I can wear children's shoes. (not clothes! But hopefully working on that aspect too!)
6. I love my job. I am one of the lucky ones who actually don't dread going to work every day.
7. My favorite drink is Diet Coke.
8. My favorite vegetable is pickled okra.
9. My heart still races when I see David's name on my caller id.
10. I love my kids & truly want to spend more time with them. This brings me to another challenge of spending 30 minutes per day playing with your kids.
11. I have a secret fascination with the Catholic religious practices. Why? Not sure.
12. I love history - my favorite travel sites are those of historical importance. My top favorite is American Colonial History. My most memorable place visited is Thomas Jefferson's home, Monticello.
13. My favorite city is Boston.
14. I truly do like Oklahoma football, but it is more special because it is a family tradition to go to the OU football games together.
15. My favorite day is TODAY! I try my best to live one day at a time, one moment at a time.
Well... There you go. A little glimpse of random facts about me.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Summer Blog Challenge Day 2
A photo of myself smiling...
This picture was taken on the church can on our way back from Durant Celebrate Recovery. The lighting isn't great, but I think this qualifies as a photo of me smiling a genuine smile. :)
This picture was taken on the church can on our way back from Durant Celebrate Recovery. The lighting isn't great, but I think this qualifies as a photo of me smiling a genuine smile. :)
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Summer Blog Challenge - Day 1
I am a little late (like 17 days late!) on this Summer Blog Challenge, but here goes. I am undecided if I want to just do one post per day, or if I want to post multiple prompts and catch up with the other Bloggers. Today, I am going to just answer one prompt.
Why are you participating in this Blog Challenge?
I have been telling myself that I am going to write EVERYDAY, so when I saw that this was a challenge to write everyday, I decided to take the challenge.
I have also been wanting to write more of my story and more of my life experiences, but it always seems something comes up and I put it off, put it off, and before I know it, the opportunity has passed.
Why are you participating in this Blog Challenge?
I have been telling myself that I am going to write EVERYDAY, so when I saw that this was a challenge to write everyday, I decided to take the challenge.
I have also been wanting to write more of my story and more of my life experiences, but it always seems something comes up and I put it off, put it off, and before I know it, the opportunity has passed.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Goodbye to John Chambers
A letter to my Church Family,
Today we remember a very dear friend of mine, Johnny Chambers.
The first time I met John, we were in a meeting, about two and a half years ago. He sat across the room from me, and he kept to himself, looking as if he couldn't decide if he wanted to hide or run away. Our paths continued to cross, and we started talking. I will never forget the first personal thing he talked to me about... He said, "can I be blunt? Can I tell you the truth about your hair? Girl, we have to fake it till we make it." I didn't know if I should hide or run away at that point either.
John & I developed a close friendship, and sometimes I know I would drive him crazy with my "mom" hair styles & "mom" style of dress, and the overall messiness of my house would send him into fever pitch volunteering to come clean something. Sometimes he drove me crazy because he didn't understand that I felt like it was okay to look like a "mom." and that I have five kids who really don't care if my home decor is from the latest issue of Country Living.
John taught me so many things, and almost none of them had anything to do with hair or clothing styles.
The most important thing that Johnny Chambers did for me was open my eyes allowing me to fall I'm love with my church family. Johnny had heard me talk about church for several months. I talked about the people, the events we had, just about everything involved with Main and Oklahoma Church. Johnny had shared with me that he had been attending church across the country for most of his life, but he never felt accepted or "at home."
John would tell me that he had a past, and that he had done many things in his past that were not accepted by the majority of Christian churches. He shared with me that the thing that he wanted most in this world was acceptance.
I have a confession to make... I never formally invited Johnny to church. I think I fell into the category of "don't ask, don't tell." He called me at 9:45 on a Saturday night, the same Saturday that his picture came out in the McAlester News Paper as he protested Westboro Baptist Church and their anti-homosexuality hostility, and he said, "hey, I think I'm going to come to your church tomorrow. What time does it start?"
Well, we all know what happened from then on. I felt as if God had placed him in my life, in our lives for a reason. I'm sure that I don't know or understand the purpose of how God moves in my life & in the lives of those around me. I am not going to tell you I understand all of the lessons that I learned or the ways that God has revealed Himself to me through my friend John Chambers. But here are a few ways I would like to share:
I realized that just like John, I also wanted unconditional love, but often I placed barriers blocking my acceptance of this love. I had the wonderful opportunity to watch a person be accepted and loved for who he was. John was a person who was imperfect, a sinner just like me. John died knowing that he had love and acceptance from a group of fellow believers of Christ. He died having his heart's greatest desire.
I am so blessed to have been able to watch as God moved through our church, and how my church family was able to show compassion, love and acceptance for Johnny as a person, without condoning the sins of his past. Johnny served as an example of person who has sinned, yet came to believe in Jesus Christ as his savior. We had a lot in common, John & I. I am happy that he was my friend, & I am grateful that he was able to be part of my life for awhile. I want you all to know that each and every one of you had a part in granting a dying man his last wish: unconditional love and acceptance. Thank you for being his friend.
Today we remember a very dear friend of mine, Johnny Chambers.
The first time I met John, we were in a meeting, about two and a half years ago. He sat across the room from me, and he kept to himself, looking as if he couldn't decide if he wanted to hide or run away. Our paths continued to cross, and we started talking. I will never forget the first personal thing he talked to me about... He said, "can I be blunt? Can I tell you the truth about your hair? Girl, we have to fake it till we make it." I didn't know if I should hide or run away at that point either.
John & I developed a close friendship, and sometimes I know I would drive him crazy with my "mom" hair styles & "mom" style of dress, and the overall messiness of my house would send him into fever pitch volunteering to come clean something. Sometimes he drove me crazy because he didn't understand that I felt like it was okay to look like a "mom." and that I have five kids who really don't care if my home decor is from the latest issue of Country Living.
John taught me so many things, and almost none of them had anything to do with hair or clothing styles.
The most important thing that Johnny Chambers did for me was open my eyes allowing me to fall I'm love with my church family. Johnny had heard me talk about church for several months. I talked about the people, the events we had, just about everything involved with Main and Oklahoma Church. Johnny had shared with me that he had been attending church across the country for most of his life, but he never felt accepted or "at home."
John would tell me that he had a past, and that he had done many things in his past that were not accepted by the majority of Christian churches. He shared with me that the thing that he wanted most in this world was acceptance.
I have a confession to make... I never formally invited Johnny to church. I think I fell into the category of "don't ask, don't tell." He called me at 9:45 on a Saturday night, the same Saturday that his picture came out in the McAlester News Paper as he protested Westboro Baptist Church and their anti-homosexuality hostility, and he said, "hey, I think I'm going to come to your church tomorrow. What time does it start?"
Well, we all know what happened from then on. I felt as if God had placed him in my life, in our lives for a reason. I'm sure that I don't know or understand the purpose of how God moves in my life & in the lives of those around me. I am not going to tell you I understand all of the lessons that I learned or the ways that God has revealed Himself to me through my friend John Chambers. But here are a few ways I would like to share:
I realized that just like John, I also wanted unconditional love, but often I placed barriers blocking my acceptance of this love. I had the wonderful opportunity to watch a person be accepted and loved for who he was. John was a person who was imperfect, a sinner just like me. John died knowing that he had love and acceptance from a group of fellow believers of Christ. He died having his heart's greatest desire.
I am so blessed to have been able to watch as God moved through our church, and how my church family was able to show compassion, love and acceptance for Johnny as a person, without condoning the sins of his past. Johnny served as an example of person who has sinned, yet came to believe in Jesus Christ as his savior. We had a lot in common, John & I. I am happy that he was my friend, & I am grateful that he was able to be part of my life for awhile. I want you all to know that each and every one of you had a part in granting a dying man his last wish: unconditional love and acceptance. Thank you for being his friend.
Walk Softly...
Walk soft, my soul, and do not want what is not yours to have. Be strong and sturdy and accept what comes your way. Be grateful for all that is good in life and appreciate each day, the good that surrounds you. Do not let life embitter your soul - let it teach you and learn from it all you can. Love, every day love - for no noble reason. Love because it is better than not to love, and be kind to people who have less than you. Because if you have God, you have it all. I have God - I have it all.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
January 2, 2012
First day back at school but I am off work so I plan to spend it with my Love!
Pic for the day is of a very sleep Piper. :)
Pic for the day is of a very sleep Piper. :)
January 1, 2012
I am going to try to post daily, even if it's just a short sentence combined with a photo for the day.
Thought from 1/1/2012
I love that New Year's Day is also on a Sunday!
Pic is of Jillian & Emma at church today :)
Thought from 1/1/2012
I love that New Year's Day is also on a Sunday!
Pic is of Jillian & Emma at church today :)
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