FEAR. A word that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. A word that represents a corrosive thread woven throughout the tapestry of my life. A word that represents a manifestation of self-will. Basically, not a desirable word when referencing my life (that is an understatement).
It seems I can certainly feel some fear... If I allow it, fear can totally consume me, starving off any breath of life. Fear can (and will) effectively slam the door on peace and serenity. All this can happen without a moment's hesitation. Tonight, all of this did happen.
Where does fear come from? What is the weak spot, that thought, action or event, which causes this caustic process to gain foothold?
I fell asleep pondering these questions, praying, asking for God to help me understand. I asked God to reinforce those areas in my life where fear seems to be lurking, hovering, watching for the opportunity to multiply and grow.
I awoke with this answer, this reason for my fear. Self reliance, instead of spiritual reliance. And, let's face it... I have a past record of failing when I try to do it alone. With God, all things are possible. No reason to fear. But, without God, I have a HUGE risk of failure.
So, the answer to my present fear (and future fear) is to rely on God, first and foremost. Not rely on self. This leads me back to surrender - by giving up anything and everything to God, I paradoxically GAIN everything.
I have this mental image of fear - I picture as a gross moldy "thing". What wipes out mold? The answer is always the same, no matter the question. The answer is LIGHT. When subjected to the Light of God, my fear melts away.
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